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I'm bleeding profusely... why no one can ever notice... I'm trying to be brave to be strong but how come whenever i'm facing the wall... when no one is here i'll tear... why this is such a big impact that i can't just simply walk out with... I thought i'll be ok... why hasn't be over... I realise that going out for the past 1 week is just proving to myself that i'm just a very sorry ass...
I know my friend is still here with me... I know i promise you are my priority... but y i cant let go no matter how much i wanna let go... seeing him so happy with his life... makes me realise that all he says abt how he love me and care of me and wanna us to remain friends is all bullshit... He just wanna have his life back... He long don't have his heart with me why can't I see... If he do love me... He wont have the mentality of being a player and wanting to play with gals...
He did mention a very dramtic irony... he said he don't know why that he is like yetty and i'm like him... when we just started off... its always been this way... now he even left me like how yetty left me... I'm just not that clever to investigate things that's all... Anyway... reasons are not impt... the main point is he dun want to be together with me... this is already a very impacting reality i need to face... I dun want to know the reasons... I know i cannot accept the reasons... I cannot accept the excuses as well... I might not be able to recover to hear the real reason from his own mouth... he is already doing me a pity by saying all the things he said... the things that he should say...
I've been playing this old corny song by Jay... Its call "quiet" in chinese its " An Jing"... neven did i realise that a song that accompanied me thru my sch days and keep broadcasting on air til i fed up have such an impact on mi... now i truly know wat is the song all about... it hurts it really hurts... its hurts to know that he don't love me... its hurts to see him still acting as if he cares when I'm the one who keep msging him... its hurts when you realise that wat he says turns out otherwise... Once I msg him... "Hubby how long can we be together?" "Forever baby, its more good luck..." I'm really a gal in fairytale giving this relationship so much faith til I left nothing... He left me with a very big wound that I need to hide and heal it myself... My ten months of love is actually bull shit to him... he dun cherish but throw it away... I still remember that he say "do you think that when a person who found a diamond will throw it away... he wont... and I wont also..." Every sentence he said that makes me tinkle last time turn into a sharp blade and cut into me each and everytime...
I remember the chorus of the song with much depth... How bad you want me to say... I jus dun want to part... why must I put up a smile and accept it... I dun have such talent... to embrace you and accept her... Dun worry too much... I'll be leading a better life... You are already far away... I'll slowly move away as well... Why must I still pester you when we are apart... I really dun have the talent... I can't get it over so fast... but I'll learn to give you up... cause I love you too much...
Hmm very meaningful right... I know one day my blood will stop bleeding for you... I know that I'll move on... I'll do it better... Since you are already moving on and leading a good life without me... I shouldn't have keep dwelling here... I'm waiting for my blood to stop to dry and I'll revive and be brand new again... I will one day... and I hope its soon... I cannot stand the days now... Its too tormenting...
Great! Excellent way of starting the Lunar New Year. Had a quarrel with him on the eve that still lasted over to today. Fucking pissed with him. Fine! I shan't call him any endearments anymore. So much so for someone who is so appreciative of my being. Bunch of crap. His reason on why he does not want me to call him any endearments during the game is - afraid others will find out that we know each other and might quit together. He wants to be called by character name. What the fuck! Like I fucking know 56 over character names?!
YOU have been playing the game for over 2 years plus. YOU know almost every single character name. YOU know how to play the game fairly well.
I just started playing the game for over 2-3 months. I don't know every single character name.
I don't fucking know how to play the game well.
Guess what?! It was only last night when you type CM to me in msn, telling it that it's me, then I realised I was the SUBJECT of ridicule of the game last night! I don't even know my own character name! And I'm the last to know that I'm the one being ridiculed!
All the talk about you understanding my state. Bullshit! It's never possible for someone who's so high up there to understand a person of lower standing.
SO BE CONSIDERATE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND MY POSITION! Damn it!
Its been a traumatic week for me... But I'm proud of myself that I have walk thru... I'm glad that my friends did not ditch me when I do need them...
I realise that now spending time with family and friends are the most important part of my life... I'll still welcome him with open arms as my friend as he never disappoint me as a friend... Now we choose to lead a new phrase of life with different identity... He will still my friends and see how I grow... I'll be the same too... I'll help him to grow too... which I hope things will work out right...
Reasons of breakup is ain't important... The real root of the reason is ain't the right time... that's why we weight the relationship different and see it differently...
Yest I have snip off my hair to start afresh... To let go what is mend to let go and carry on for a brighter future which is install for me... I'm sorry that I let my friends worry... I'll adjust my body not to worry... Its nothing serious... heez...
Lynn Ong... I salute you that you are cool in the breakup and did not falter infront of him... I'm proud of you that you are willing to let go and step infront... What have pass have already pass... what happen have already happen... Things happen for a reason which you have to be strong in accepting it... Its only when you have the courage to face it... then you have the courage to move on... I love all my friends and my bitches and my close one... You all are just my everything that I can't shed away from... Cheers to hell ya!!!
Sorry babe... I've been home late these few days... dun have the guts to go home early... and whenever i call u your phone is off... so i can't contact you... at work cos i'm at call centre i needa off my phone...
I'm sorry that I made you worried... finally today i let it all out... finally today i cried... after meeting my friends and chill... i realise that since he put down so fast and already move on... i cannot be that pitiful little thing... i need to move on also... but cos i given him everything... it might not be that easy...
I wont go for another guy just to forget him... its too risky... that guy might end up be a wrong decision too... I'm pining all my hopes on friends le... I want my bisexual life back... i want to find back my playfulness again... I believe that friends is the best remedy to heal me... but pining hope on patch up... i wont... he have destroy my last straw of hope til i'm a pathetic little gal... i wont look into it... and relationship wont be my cup of tea now...
I believe that I can face him with a smile... maybe be together like a best friend like what we always were before we are together... I want to be with my girlfriends... i miss them lots... i want to be with you all cos you all give me the support that makes me walk thru these...
But nevertheless, if times goes back and let me choose... I think i will still wanna be with him... but i wont be taht serious anymore... I wont take wat he says as wat he says... i wont let him coax me of moving out rasa... and i wont let him coax me to stop being brother to my guy friends... heez... but everything happens for a reason... I've grown and see a better side of the world because of him... he have bring me joy... sorrow... and pain... but i hope you wont feel its his fault... cos he do have his stand... and he do have his reason for doing so... and reason is not impt cos they are half excuses... the main point is this relationship can't carry on... a clap needs 2 hands...
I'm using my dad's lousy phone with short batt lifespan... so it always flat during i'm out... cos my phone is hotline lol... alright babe... adious amigoes...
I tried to contact you since last night. Called your home, messaged your mom. Told her to pass the message to you to contact me immediately. Waited up for your call last night. But no reply. Left offline msn message and friendster message. No reply either. Do you now how freaking worried I am for you? I couldn't reach you at all. PLEASE CALL ME OK!? Left my mobile number in friendster message.
How come your phone is off as well... So cornny have to chat through the blog... but Rohit and I are thru... He wanna have the break up...
I dun know wat to say and how to feel... I haven't really have a good cry... I wanted to cry to make mi feel better... to make mi feel that I should move on... but I'm shock that nothing comes out... the tears is going the other way... I dun know how come its like that... i dun want to be like that... I dun want to be the weak side of it... i dun want to give peep the impression that I cannot make it...
You know its hurts when i see that he is yearning to get over it... he is so happy that everything is over... i feel that he have already tarnish my last straw of hope... he have change all his profile to single and deleted all our photos... things just came hard on me... cos i dun see the storm coming... and i always have the faith in him that we can work it out like an adult just talk it out... Some people say i give him to much freedom til he is now out of hand... but actually i feel that he already want it this way when he is with his previous ex... its just that i'm like a new thing for him to experience it... or maybe that at that point he feel that he can give it another shot...
But nevertheless... he is a good chap... bad valentine... he can be 100% buddy for a friend... but for lovers, he only care about his feelings more than others... he just wants his way... it took me 10 months to notice it but i dun regret it thou... he just told me right in the face that he wants his singlhood... you can really see him begging for it le... it is that pain... initially i'm already to tear and drama... but when i hear that i just shut up... the tears just freeze... i can't do anithing... Rohit and I have talk about being friends... so dun worry... its just the matter of how long do i need to let go... as long as i can do it as cool as him... i'm ready to accept him...
Dont dont ask mi to be involve in anyone... i'm not ready... i can onli say i'll move on... I think serene is waiting for me to be with her lol i lost her number thou do let mi know if you got her number ... and my priority is friend... i want my friend back... i want to spend time with them... cos i know that when i'm in trouble they are always there... I'll try to adjust... I'm adaptable... this is wat i believe in... i wont let u see the weak side... even if i ever falter... i'll hide it... i will... believe me i'll do well ok... anithing you just call mi la... can't sleep and eat well since last night... i'll go shower and rush my audition... Maybe I can take this time to tone down my body should be quite efficient...
Babe, listen to me. Did you have a talk with Rohit about the Valentine's Day issue? Maybe to him, everyday is Valentine's Day, thus he doesn't see the logic on why you two should splurge on presents or dinner out when you two know prices are illogically high.
Did you know that YY wanted to bring me to Marriot Hotel for dinner. But when I knew that it was about $70-$80 per person, I told YY that I rather we cooked dinner at his place instead. Both of us know that it is ridiculous that prices are hiked so high. In the end, we compromised. Gifts for each other ain't judge by it's price tag. Dinner doesn't have to be at a high class restaurant/hotel. As long we are together, everything is insignficant. Is it every year that you spend Valentine's Day alone? Do you guys go out have a walk together? Cheer up babe. Anything just give me a call.
You're my Valentine too. *muacks*
Wanted to sleep... can't sleep... mom put the display box right infront of my bed... well done mom... I miss my phone so much!!! cried and cried... when can i stop... i'm really good for nothing... onli know how to cry and cry and cry... Lynn can you be more productive... Feel so lousy... hate myself... Msg Hubby just now to see any kind soul called... but no avail...
Right you all sure feel that I'm over reacting right... you all sure wont understand... no matter how much I explain... I really cherish it when hubby give me this phone... cos i know the importancy of this phone... I'm just a childish brat who is crying for her wrong doings... Argh... Ong Shu Ling... Stop crying if not I'll really shot you to the wall... Hubby also nv blame you... How come you still act pity here... really good for nothing... only know how to cry and cry... Cry baby!!! one day you will drown the whole singapore... hurmp... So irritated by you... Just live with it la... You think people are all like Ms Julie and Joleen that will return the phone to owner... Fat Hope...
I'll go walk around the house le... Hope blogging will lift me up abit... Hope someone hears me... Told Joleen earlier... I'll buy her K800I if that person will return my phone... I'll be really good to everyone... really everyone... I wont throw tantrum... I wont kick a fuss... I wont be petty... I wont be annoy... Hurmp... stop wasting my breath... I know I'm being childish again... better go walk around the house and pack up... Goddess must be angry at me for not keeping my room clean... She must be angry that I always take all my close one for granted... she must be angry that I always think too much... She must be angry that I'm pessimistic... I'll go walk around...
Just hang up the phone with hubby... it seems like my valentine's day is burn... no advance celebration nothing... he can't see y i need to celebrate... i can't see y he dun want to celebrate... my valentine's day its always so lonely... good for you la sandra... good for you la julie... good for you la joleen... everyone gets to celebrate no matter how much the boi friend dun like... i still need to go down to be the light bulb of everyone... who say bf is always there when you need them... its untrue... when you realise that he is not that... you will realise how lonely you are... I'll go cry in the blanket... good night...
I lost my precious phone... Although it is just 2 days old... but its very sentimental to me... cause its a gift from my hubby... its a gift that he have put his heart out to get for me... its a gift that don't come easy... Its a thought from him and I have move 500 msg from him one by one to the new phone... thus it still have the reminesince of the old phone... I lost all my contacts... I lost everything in the phone... I thought i can have more memorable memory with the new one... I thought its so nice that he is using the phone that I bought for him... and I'm using the phone he bought for me... yet I lost it...I should deserve 2 tight slap and let mi bang into the wall... My first bday gift from him... Mummy and daddy feel very heartach for him also... Money dun come easy... I think i must be born in outer space with no sense of alertness... omg... I feel so lost about it...
Hubby is right that I can't cry over spill milk... but i just can't help it... remembering how i lost the phone really make mi very heartach... i'm sure hubby feel the same way... its just that he dun wanna make mi feel worse that's y he says its nothing... how can it be nothing... the phone dun come cheap... no phone come cheap wat... and best of all... i dun know how to look after it... Hubby still say he is going to get mi another one... how can i ask him to buy another one when i'm the one who lose it? but that one wont have the same valuable meaning as the initial one he bought me... I feel so bad when hubby in turn to console me and tell mi its a very cheap phone... how cheap can it be... its still from ur hard earn money right... when he say he is going to get me another one... i feel even worse... how come he dun wanna scold mi for being careless... i might feel better... yet he in turn console me... when we are trap outside his house cos he forgot to bring his keys... he still console me with his stories of how he lost so many sentimental thing as well... he must feel bad as well... ARGH... I know its no use keep on saying sorry or apologizing... but i do feel very heart pain... i really very pain that the phone is missing... I havent even take my first picture with my hubby over that phone yet...
Decided that I'm going to buy exactly the same phone that he bought me... treat it as a small punishment for being so careless... No matter how similar the phone is... It is still not the original... Can the angel be kind enough to return me the phone... I really want the original phone back... I promise I'll take care of the phone... I promise I'll always keep it in a safe spot in my bag... I promise I wont complaint about hubby... I promise I'll do housework... I promise I'll be good gal and dun argue and complaint so much... Really I really will... please return the phone to me... please... (T_T) I'm even willing to pay any amount just to redeem back my phone... That person is so cruel to take the phone away... its just a phone return to me I'll get u a better one in return...
Maybe its a sign to tell me that if i dun cherish hubby then he might be like the phone... lost... hur... *shake head* have to be positive... When something is lost... it means that I'll gain another thing in no time... aiya it doesn't help... i'm drowning in a sense of lost...
It happen too fast that I can't even react... I'm just 10 steps out of the toilet and i remember my phone... when i go back its gone... how can the person be so fast... how come that person dun have the heart... how can she just take the phone like that... Am I dumb or what... how can i left it there and just leave?? Omg the feeling sux big big time... Just call me a dumb ass ok... i deserve it...